


the state of things

by TezValeria (orphan_account)



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Nonfiction, Other, lookback, names changed for safety, written in hindsight
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2019-02-17 06:33:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13071123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/TezValeria
Summary: my collectionnot your storyunless you're her, and you've found iti miss her





	1. Chapter 1

Sometimes, in order to stay awake, you must turn off your mind.Other times, this is unnecessary or perhaps just impossible. For me? I would say it is both unnecessary and impossible. I have no trouble being awake, as those inside my head never seem to want to sleep. There is Autumn, Una, Dwi, and Anahera. There used to also be Basil, Kiane, and Lost, but they are gone now. At this point in time, it is Anahera who really does things for my survival. Una and Dwi are too young, and Autumn is in a horrible state. Autumn is, unfortunately, still a bit in control of my emotions. Anahera arrived just recently. She came with her pet turtle, who’s name I do not remember and no longer have the ability to check. Anahera has rather strange tastes. I no longer want to dance. I want to walk in _rubato_ , I want to draw in _piano_. I think in music, and I move in music. Everything is music now, but I don’t want to dance. In fact, I now dread the very thought of it. I can’t decide whether it is Anahera’s influence, or the lack of Lost’s influence that has so dampened my desire to dance. I wonder if I am the only one to go to extremes to avoid things. I consider it much more often than I go through with it, but I still do quite often. I miss Kiane, but I would die once Perch was gone. Perdito (Perch, or Ditto… but not anymore) and Angelo (Halo, or Angel, but not anymore either) were likely the most important parts of her to me. I know that as long as he lives, Autumn will never forgive himself. He was supposed to be strong, but he failed and now Angel is gone forever. I’m crying, so it’s time to change the subject.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what?

Right now, everyone is silent. I can hear my heartbeat in  _ andante _ , so Anahera is awake. I hope that she will be able to focus today. Perhaps, if anyone is reading, they would like a backstory. Once, a long, long time ago, there were many people. I’ll start from the first one who showed up for me. There was Autumn: my strength, my light in the dark. He liked hats, he liked sleep. He was somewhere around 17 when everything bad started. He had these ears… I can’t remember what was special about them, but something was. He fell in love with an angel, a beautiful Soul, named Angelo. Everyone called Angelo “Halo”, but Autumn called him Angel, because he was his angel. Autumn was, as far as he was concerned, existing for the sole purpose of allowing Angel to do the same. Angelo was a very strong person who supported Autumn right back, but now that they’ve been separated, Autumn doesn’t know what to do with himself. Autumn also had two sisters. There was Lost, and there was Una. Lost had a tragic past and a confusing story. She was older than she said, she was less innocent than she seemed. She had no reserves of energy. She was the dancer. She also liked baking and… something else. I’m sorry, I can’t remember. Lost fell in love with Found, who was artistic and tall and beautiful. Found was one of hers, and she liked dragons and called Lost her “flower”. Remembering this brings tears to my eyes. Lost died after she got separated from Found. Una was the youngest. She went blind when she saved Lost. Una has been inseparable from another, called Dwi, for her whole life. I know that someday Dwi will go deaf. Una will be there for her. Una has seen far too much for her age. I think she’s… 8? 9? Somewhere around there. Dwi is the same age as Una. Dwi keeps her from pushing herself too hard, and likes to take very long showers. Una and Dwi are still here, and so is Autumn. For just a little while, I had Noble. He didn’t talk much. He was very emotionally strong, and he controlled me for a few months when she and I were apart. He left once we got back together. Another one who used to be here was Basil. Basil was special. He had long hair and he was a doctor. He got married and had five beautiful children with Princess, who was one of hers. Princess was the only person he really cared about, except for his brother, Kiane. Kiane was emotionally unstable. He was transgender, that’s what he meant for me. That’s why I am too. Kiane liked to… I don’t know what he liked. I can’t remember now that he’s gone. I know that he loved Perdito. Kiane called him Ditto. Perdito helped Una out a lot when she was in unsafe situations. Una called him Perch. Perdito also helped Anahera settle in when she first arrived. For a period of time, Lost was in a relationship with two of her friends, Teo and Todor. Teo was an artist. He lived in me for a little while, but he messed with me. When Lost died the first time, he did a lot of bad things to me, but he left eventually. Todor was a dancer. I rather liked Todor. I kinda miss him. Last came Anahera. She showed up when Teo left. She was musically inclined in the strangest ways. What I used to hear as voices and sounds I now hear as music, and music I hear as voices and sounds. Everything around me now has a tempo and a dynamic and a key and a time signature. Everything within me, too. I don’t understand it. I only have Autumn and Una and Dwi and Anahera left, but they’re slowly slipping away from me. I can barely remember the others, so hopefully this will help a little bit.


End file.
